AVOIDING A BAD MARRIAGE

After salvation, the most important choice you will need to make is who to marry. This choice is so important that if you miss it, you will suffer for long, if you get it right then you will enjoy forever. A bad marriage can affect every other area of your life.

This subject is so important, so many married people are hoping to be single again so as to make the right choice. If you are single please
don't just be in a hurry to get married, you have the best opportunity to prepare for it.

For two people to come together to live in peace and harmony, they must agree spiritually, mentally and physically. Just like an elephant cannot marry an ant so also a believer cannot marry an unbeliever. If an elephant marries an ant how
would they live, if a goat marries a fish where would they meet? You must look for a Godly man or a Godly woman to marry, nothing can beat this. The devil's primary target is the family. He knows that everyone belongs to a family and if he can make two wrong people meet then he has succeeded affecting the community and nations negatively. Ignore your age and the pressure for a moment, the pressure in a wrong marriage is far worse.

God has somebody for you but you must set your priorities right. What do you need in a woman? What do you need in a man?

Marriage is not about what you want, it is about who you need, that will make you better while you make him better. It is about destiny. That is why you must know your purpose before you get married. Genesis 2:18.

You must pray before you choose. God knows the best person for you, it is only wise to seek His will. It is very easy to know God's will when sex is not involved. The moment sex is involved and you want to know His will then He will blank you out. Why? Because you have broken His first Law of NO SEX before marriage. If you have had sex in the past then you need to repent totally and stay away from each other for sometime then you can seek the face of God. Your marriage will not be hell on earth. Your marriage will be honourable in the name of Jesus Christ.

Don't marry for sex, don't marry because you are of age, don't marry because you are getting old, don't marry because you are lonely, don't marry because you need someone to support you financially, don't marry because you mistakenly got pregnant, don't marry because you don't want to lose the person, don't marry because of family pressures, don't marry because you like the idea of marriage and admire every wedding gown you see, don't marry because all your friends are getting married. But get married because you want to fulfil destiny. Get married because you want to be a help mate. As a man, get married because you want to fulfill your purpose. God will help you in choosing, please let His will be done. Amen!!

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19 WAYS TO FIX YOUR WIFE - BEFORE /WHEN SHE IS FALLING APART!

Your wife can be dying in silence while still performing her wifely duties.

you will need to know her to know when she needs to be fixed.

When a woman is always moody, cries a lot, yells on Children, can easily sleep or sleeps a lot, she may be battling with something you are not careful enough to see.

A real man will not allow his wife to fall apart without fixing her and making her better and happy.

If you discover your wife is falling apart, watch out and fix the following:

1. CHECK IF YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

You might be her problem, but out of her respect and love for you, she may not tell you. Ask, let her talk sincerely

2. BE AWARE OF HER RESPONSIBILITIES

Get to know how her work load is killing her. Regardless of whether she stays at home or goes to work, do you know what she does all day? If you don’t, ask her. Her to-do list is probably overflowing with tasks that far outweighs her time and energy.

3. BE APPRECIATIVE

Be mindful of her needs and appreciative of her sacrifices. The work a woman does at home can be too common that nobody will appreciate her for them, this can be killing her. Appreciate your wife

4. GET INVOLVED BEFORE SHE BURNS OUT

Don’t just be appreciative, but get involved. The best time to begin helping your wife is now. Don’t wait until she breaks down to offer a helping hand.

5. GET MACHINE

Get all the machine needed for her work at home (the ones you can afford). Dish washer, gas cooker, refrigerator, oven, laundering Machine etc

6. BE AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT

Be totally involved at home, stop delegating parenting and family life. Don’t be a “visiting Professor”, be an active partner in this business of your life. It takes two to parent. It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes two to run a household. Be fully involved in every aspect of your family life.

7. HOLD HER

Hold her like a lover and a friend. Place your hands on her shoulder, her laps, hold her hands, just hold her and let her feel you.

8. JUST LISTEN

Men are known to be good talker but very bad listeners. At times what your wife needs is for you to just listen. Do not interrupt, let her unburden, let her talk. Sometimes the best way for a woman to reset is by getting all of her thoughts out. Let your wife talk through her feelings and problems. Show empathy. Listen carefully. Ask questions. Be fully engaged in the conversation.

9. BE A PARTNER NOT A TEACHER

Most men do fall into the “Teaching trap” when they are supposed to be a partner, showing love and consideration. Do not blame, just be there for her. Just listen. That’s all you need to do. And if she wants you to offer solutions, she’ll ask for them

10. GIVE HER HOPE

No matter what happens, don’t ever raise up your hands in surrender. Giving up, crying or weeping will hurt your wife more. Encourage her. Let her know what you love about her. Help her see the good in any situation. Avoid being critical or negative. When she has hit the rock bottom, be the man who lifts her up, and brings light and hope back into her life.

11. BE SENSITIVE

Get to know her mood, get to know her needs, get to know what is needed to be done at home and do them without prompting

Learn the art of looking around the house and finding things that need to get done. Are there dishes in the sink? What is broken that needs to be fixed? Don’t wait to be asked. Just do it!

12. PRAY FOR HER

Take your time off to pray for her, hand her over to her maker who knows the deepest need of her heart . Let God fix her, you can’t do it.

Let God know what you appreciate about her. Ask for his help. Ask him to tell you how you can be a better spouse to her. Ask him to comfort her and help her see herself as He sees her.

13. PRAY WITH HER

Don’t just pray for your wife, find time to pray with her, hug her as you pray together, hold her hands, just talk to your maker together.

14. ASK HER HOW YOU CAN BE OF HELP

Your wife knows what you can do to help her reset, so just ask her. She will open up to you, it may not be what you think, so don’t speculate, ask, She’ll appreciate it more than you will ever know.

15. HELP AROUND THE HOUSE

Give a helping hand around the house. Give her a kitchen holiday for some days, do all the cooking or hire somebody to do it for you. Let her just sit, eat and rest, this may be all she needs,

16. TAKE HER OUT

Take her out, eat out, go to the cinema, go to wherever she will love to go, not where you want, just follow her.

17. ALLOW HER TO CRY,IF SHE MUST

“Stop crying, are you a baby?, will you be crying about this little thing?”

This is what most nude earning husband will do when their wives cry, what an insensitive word. If she feels like crying, hold her to yourself and let her do the crying while you pat her on the back. It’s a great way to fix the problem.

18. LET HER GO ON HOLIDAY

Allow her to go on holiday all alone to herself, this can fix the problem as she returns with greater energy.

19. CELEBRATE HER

Let your wife be celebrated. Celebrate her in secret and in public. Talk about her beauty, motherhood, wifehood, support, thoughtfulness. This will make her day.

Let all the men read and apply....

Let the women read and pass to the men......especially their husbands

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THINGS THAT MATTERS IN RELATIONSHIP

I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all years round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not
loving your partner. In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with any other person.
Relationships work out mostly because of our head not our heart, it work out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline because time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic,intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with. In those times, love will not help you, self control will help you, emotional intelligence will come to your rescue, commitment will keep you going. With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.
You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do! But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that do destroy that impulse. You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them. It takes more than love.
We are too fond of loving when it's convenient, when it's sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there but that can only last for just the first 3-6 months of the relationship. After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped, it's now your responsibility to make it work, not love's responsibility.
Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment, it requires intelligent. On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment. Everyone fall in love, it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love, Building a relationship, Only the strong and committed ones do that. That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, Discipline yourself, bridle your emotions. Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream. It's always tough, at some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together, you can scale through the trying time by being focus and committed. The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together.
Be emotionally strong! Be self disciplined.
Sticking to one person is not natural, you must develop yourself to do that. It works great and perfect with people of like minds, people of the same believes, people that share the same school of thought.

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MARRIED BUT NO SEX - Part 2

A Story Written By Ayodele Adeoye

'Would I supervise your spiritual life and also supervise your sexual life? Sexuality in marriage does not contaminate spirituality. Bro Solo why have you not touched your wife? I am your pastor and I have been sleeping with my wife for more than 20 years now. Prayer cannot replace sex in marriage. You are now married and licensed to have sex. Making love to your wife is no more a sin.'

'I know it is possible you are a virgin but today virginity is no longer profitable. If you don't know how to do it, I am here to teach you. You can ask me any question on sex. Sis Rose is now yours and by my authority, her parents authority and the authority of heaven you can kiss her, romance her and sleep with her as many times as is convenient for both of you. The way you rush your first meal after a long chain fasting is the same way I expect you to rush your wife. If there's any issue, you can confide in me.'

'Thank you daddy, we shall do the needful as you have counselled', Bro Solo said. After seeing the Pastor off to the other side of the road where his car was parked, the Pastor turned to the couple and said, 'Sis Rose ensure you call me later to let me know how everything goes. Bye! Bye!'

When they arrived back at their apartment, Bro Solo begged his wife to let him sort out and discharge all their guests so they could have uninterrupted time together. 'Let's do a quick one before you go, when you come back we can relax and have a nice time together.

'Why are you in hurry to have sex Sis Rose, sorry dear? How long will it take me to sort out our guests that you can't wait? Where is the self-control they've been teaching us about in church? Are we married because of sex or to fulfill God's purpose for our lives?

This is almost 24 hours we have been married, we have not discussed or done anything reasonable than sex. Must we have sex immediately after our wedding? Will the sex run away if we don't do it today? Why are you so particular about sex over other things that can add value to our lives and marriage. If we don't do it today, we can do it tomorrow.'

Sis Rose became worried and highly agitated at this time. Is there anything he is hiding from me? She thought! This is a lacuna of God's law. *"Marriage is honourable in all, and bed undefiled".* She questioned the law of God with hundreds of questions. I have kept the bed undefiled all these years, would I still stay away from the bed after marriage? Even if he is not going to make love to me, why won't he kiss me, hug me, caress me or even give peck. I want to feel like a woman but my man is a shadow of a real man.

I will not allow him go out today, the neighbours must hears us. I am going to make noise about this until third parties come to my rescue. This is no more spirituality but stupidity. 'Bro Solo, you are going nowhere until you perform your marital duty on your wife. No sex no going out today. If you step outside there, by the time you come back you won't meet me in this house again. You can't be more spiritual than the pastor, you can't be more catholic than the pope.'

'Sis Rose this is the work of the devil and we must not permit it. My spirit tells me the devil wants to capitalize on this small issue to cause problems at beginning of our marriage. We must not allow our guests to spend one more night in that hotel or else our bill will be heavy. Please let me go and settle them and I shall give you what you want. 'You will have to choose between your guests and your wife today,' Sis Rose replied him.

All the stories I have heard from my married friends on their first night are fantastic. This is a day I have patiently waited for. Why is mine like this? And tears rolled from her eyes down her cheeks. 'Sis Rose, are you crying? Why are you crying? Okay, sit down let me tell you why I have not touched you since yesterday...'

Are you still sure you can guess right? Wait until you read part 3. Your guess maybe right.

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MARRIED BUT NO SEX - Part 1

A Story Written By Ayodele Adeoye

She came in to the bedroom with her transparent night gown wearing a romantic perfume. Nobody was left at the house after a long day of felicitations and congratulations for the success of their wedding. Who would have thought Sis Rose could get married after several attempts failed at the altar of disappointment and betrayal.

Sis Rose had been into 8 relationships that never led to marriage. Getting suitors was never her problem but getting to the aisle was never realistic until she met Bro Solo. Bro Solo was a well-known brother in the choir and the dream husband of every lady as he seemed to be an example of a true Christian.

Bro Femi dated her for 18 months and jilted her because she refused him sex before marriage. Bro Ifeanyi left her after a year of relationship when he went for National Youth Service Corps at Enugu where he found Sis Chinyere. Bro Austin never gave any reason for quitting their relationship of 4 months. The history of Sis Rose's relationship journey was heartbreaking as she had dated 8 guys in 14 years.

'Bro Solo is going to leave like others, why put in the remaining pieces of my heart?', she thought. On her traditional wedding, she fainted twice for unbelief and shock that Bro Solo did not leave like other brothers.  It was a well-celebrated and well-attended wedding. Members of the choir and ushering team added colour to the day as one of their own were the celebrants of the day.

The joy and excitement that Sis Rose was leaving singles fellowship of the church at 43 made the pastor overjoyed, so much that he made Sis Rose's wedding one of the best since the inception of the church. Family and friends were not left out as they all created scenes to add colour to the day.

Family and friends stayed back and never wanted to leave them alone even at the late hour of the night. Sis Rose had jokingly told her friends to leave to allow them start their honeymoon and everyone laughed. 'Madam are you driving us?' And they laughed again. In all these Bro Solo was indifferent as to whether they left or not.

At about 11:03pm, she joined him in the bedroom ready for action of the moon. This is the day she has been looking forward to; a day she wanted to be grabbed, squeezed, cuddled and made love to. A day she will have sex and not see it as sin against God. 'Dear, I am all yours now. Do to me what wish. I am not wearing anything underneath just to give you easy access.'

'Before we are carried away with the joy of our wedding let's thank God first for all his has done for us', Bro Solo replied. And the prayer of thanksgiving turned to intercessory prayers and then to warfare prayers. After 40 minutes Bro Solo was still praying. A prayer that was already getting Sis Rose pissed up. How can we turn our honeymoon to a prayer meeting? She thought within herself. She couldn't stop the prayer meeting because the tempo of the prayers increased by the minute. At about 12:29am she dosed off and went into a deep sleep. That night they missed the first flight!

Before Sis Rose could wake up by 6:30am, Bro Solo was already dressed up to meet an appointment for 7am in order to secure bus ticket for some of their guests who were slated to go with the first bus. 'Where are you going to this early that you are already dressed up?' she quarreled her husband. 'But we didn't make love last night being our first night together. Before you go out this morning, you must make love to me.' Dear, I am sorry that cannot happen now as I need to meet up for this appointment by 7am. I will make it up to you when I come back.

Sis Rose was not going to take no for an answer that morning. She jammed the door and held the keys "You are not going out this morning until you make love to me"! She called the pastor, "Hello sir, you need to make to our house now or else...."

The pastor quickly diverted from his way to his office to their house. 'What could warrant this distress call from the newest couple?' he thought within himself.

Why do you think Bro Solo is not sleeping with his wife? Find out in part 2

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DON'T DATE IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE

Are you in a relationship or dating someone now when you know you are not ready for marriage? One of the reasons why many people end up in bad marriages is because they started dating at a time they were not ready for marriage; but because they had dated this person for so long, they felt obliged to marry them. Knowing it wasn't what they desired, they prayed and hoped things would get better. Some people are so clueless as to what love and marriage is; thinking once you start experiencing nice feelings for someone it means they are in love, and anyone they fall in love with will automatically become their spouse. This is why many singles fight to hold on to bad relationships, trying all their best to change others, but refusing to change the person they have power to change which is they themselves. The bible says in Matthew 22:14 (MSG) ‘Many get invited; only a few make it". In other words many people will tell you I love you but only a few truly love you. Lots will promise you marriage but only a few will attempt carrying it out. Many see you as a want but a few see you as a need. Many might like your company but a few will enjoy your madness. To have a successful marriage, feelings are not enough; readiness matters. It's like having the needed knowledge to get a job done but lacking the required tools. You only become frustrated at the end of the day. If you like someone, their smiles, look, tribe, profession, it doesn't automatically mean they are your prefect partner therefore you must hook them down else you risk losing them. You can choose to spend all the time with them, just to get married to them in the future, but later realize this wasn't what you wanted or needed. The Marriage journey is not about who you have been with but about who you end up with. As at now, because you are not ready for marriage, your heart doesn't know what it really wants until you are ready. The confusion, pains, frustration set in when you are ready and find what you need but realize you are hooked up with what you don't need. There is a reason why God hid Eve from Adam until he was ready for marriage. So please stop accepting proposals whose outcome you don't know; don't go for fights that you are not prepared for. Don't date anyone when deep within, you know you are not ready for marriage. Don’t let someone who is ready for marriage push you into it, knowing you are not ready. You are the steward of your life and you will surely give an account to your Creator one day. So I plead with you to take full responsibility for every condition in your life including marriage. Learn to say "NO" without explaining yourself. "Yes, each of us will give an account of himself to God" - Romans 14:12 (TLB).

In conclusion "Imagine! His left hand cradling my head, his right arm around my waist! Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready" - Song of Solomon 8:4 (MSG).

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HOW TO HANDLE /MAINTAIN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Communication BUT not excessive communication - it is unwise to be overdo, sticky and possessive. You don't have to communicate 24 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples thought that they need excess communication, this is not true. It might make things worse. Remember less is more. It is not about spamming - you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It's really testing at the right moment & tugging at the right spots

See it as an opportunity - IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER, YOU FIRST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE APART
view it as a test of your love for each other. As the saying goes, real gold us not afraid of test of fire instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience the both of you will be bound together even strong

Set some ground rules - Both of you need to have clear with what you expect of with each other during this period. Set some rules so that one will not do things that will take the other party by surprise. For instance are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on date? What Is your commitment level? It is better to be open with each other about all these things to keep the relationship going

Try to communicate regularly & creatively - greet each other good morning and good night everyday, this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and it's happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips, short video from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to

Talk dirty with each other  - this simply means be romantic to each other by giving pets names, expressing feelings of each other, open your mouth to say you love him or her, expressing how you always feel when talking to each other, you can even say you want him or her now now.

Do things together - i love this aspect so much. Playing an online games together, watch a documentary on YouTube  or films at the same time, sing to each other on call or video chat, take a walk together outside while video calling each other, go online shopping together  and buy each other gift online too.... Lol. You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it

Make visit to each other - visit are the highlight of every long distance relationship.  After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally got to meet each other to fulfil all the saying, affections etc. It will be like firework, glitter bombs, confelt, rainbows and butterflies to everyone around

Have a goal in mind - goals like what do we want to achieve at the end of the day? How long are we going to be apart? What about the future? These are the questions you need to ask yourselves. The truth is no couple can be in long distance relationship forever,  eventually we all need to settle down
Stay honest with each other - talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever.  Don't try to deal with things yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. It's better to look at the problem during it's initial stage than to only disclose it when it's all too late
Learn how to ask good questions and listen well - This is very important and am good at this. Ask your partner what you need to know, by doing this you will gat to know things about him or her very well. Learn to listen carefully to your partner and good questions.
Learn more about how you both approach conflict - conflict is inevitable in relationship but being in a long distance relationship make managing conflict well even more difficult. Learn some basic conflict management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight

Controlling of jealousy - feeling a little jealous and again is not unusual in long distance relationship. However uncontrolled jealousy can lead to destructive condemnation of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger and shame. If you are feeling jealous figure out how to control your jealousy before it start to control you. It's not easy but it can be done
Laugh together - it's a great to talk about the deep stuff but make sure you keep it light sometimes too. Share things with each other that can make you laugh together
Keep your parnter in your mind alway - we have all heard the saying " absence can make the heart grow fonder but its also true that absence can make the mind go wander" make sure you have some reminders of your partner around perhaps put their photo on your desktop or tape it to your mirror, drink out
Prayers - i can't forget that prayer is the key to every successful relationship today. Pray together, fast together infact worship together

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