THINGS THAT MATTERS IN RELATIONSHIP

I have discovered that love doesn't guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all years round, and on the other hand, cheating isn't always a product of not
loving your partner. In fact, loving someone doesn't guarantee not falling in love with any other person.
Relationships work out mostly because of our head not our heart, it work out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline because time will come when you'll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic,intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you're in a relationship with. In those times, love will not help you, self control will help you, emotional intelligence will come to your rescue, commitment will keep you going. With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you're committed to will rank first in your life.
You think happily married people don't see better people than the ones they married? You think they don't feel funny sometimes? You think they don't catch feelings? They do! But understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that do destroy that impulse. You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them. It takes more than love.
We are too fond of loving when it's convenient, when it's sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there but that can only last for just the first 3-6 months of the relationship. After then, you'll realise that the feelings have dropped, it's now your responsibility to make it work, not love's responsibility.
Relationships cannot be readymade. You have to build it and it's never always about love, it requires commitment, it requires intelligent. On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment. Everyone fall in love, it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love, Building a relationship, Only the strong and committed ones do that. That's why we must find that one person and commit to that one, Discipline yourself, bridle your emotions. Building a relationship is hard work, it's like building a career, It's like pursuing a dream. It's always tough, at some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together, you can scale through the trying time by being focus and committed. The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together.
Be emotionally strong! Be self disciplined.
Sticking to one person is not natural, you must develop yourself to do that. It works great and perfect with people of like minds, people of the same believes, people that share the same school of thought.

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MARRIED BUT NO SEX - Part 2

A Story Written By Ayodele Adeoye

'Would I supervise your spiritual life and also supervise your sexual life? Sexuality in marriage does not contaminate spirituality. Bro Solo why have you not touched your wife? I am your pastor and I have been sleeping with my wife for more than 20 years now. Prayer cannot replace sex in marriage. You are now married and licensed to have sex. Making love to your wife is no more a sin.'

'I know it is possible you are a virgin but today virginity is no longer profitable. If you don't know how to do it, I am here to teach you. You can ask me any question on sex. Sis Rose is now yours and by my authority, her parents authority and the authority of heaven you can kiss her, romance her and sleep with her as many times as is convenient for both of you. The way you rush your first meal after a long chain fasting is the same way I expect you to rush your wife. If there's any issue, you can confide in me.'

'Thank you daddy, we shall do the needful as you have counselled', Bro Solo said. After seeing the Pastor off to the other side of the road where his car was parked, the Pastor turned to the couple and said, 'Sis Rose ensure you call me later to let me know how everything goes. Bye! Bye!'

When they arrived back at their apartment, Bro Solo begged his wife to let him sort out and discharge all their guests so they could have uninterrupted time together. 'Let's do a quick one before you go, when you come back we can relax and have a nice time together.

'Why are you in hurry to have sex Sis Rose, sorry dear? How long will it take me to sort out our guests that you can't wait? Where is the self-control they've been teaching us about in church? Are we married because of sex or to fulfill God's purpose for our lives?

This is almost 24 hours we have been married, we have not discussed or done anything reasonable than sex. Must we have sex immediately after our wedding? Will the sex run away if we don't do it today? Why are you so particular about sex over other things that can add value to our lives and marriage. If we don't do it today, we can do it tomorrow.'

Sis Rose became worried and highly agitated at this time. Is there anything he is hiding from me? She thought! This is a lacuna of God's law. *"Marriage is honourable in all, and bed undefiled".* She questioned the law of God with hundreds of questions. I have kept the bed undefiled all these years, would I still stay away from the bed after marriage? Even if he is not going to make love to me, why won't he kiss me, hug me, caress me or even give peck. I want to feel like a woman but my man is a shadow of a real man.

I will not allow him go out today, the neighbours must hears us. I am going to make noise about this until third parties come to my rescue. This is no more spirituality but stupidity. 'Bro Solo, you are going nowhere until you perform your marital duty on your wife. No sex no going out today. If you step outside there, by the time you come back you won't meet me in this house again. You can't be more spiritual than the pastor, you can't be more catholic than the pope.'

'Sis Rose this is the work of the devil and we must not permit it. My spirit tells me the devil wants to capitalize on this small issue to cause problems at beginning of our marriage. We must not allow our guests to spend one more night in that hotel or else our bill will be heavy. Please let me go and settle them and I shall give you what you want. 'You will have to choose between your guests and your wife today,' Sis Rose replied him.

All the stories I have heard from my married friends on their first night are fantastic. This is a day I have patiently waited for. Why is mine like this? And tears rolled from her eyes down her cheeks. 'Sis Rose, are you crying? Why are you crying? Okay, sit down let me tell you why I have not touched you since yesterday...'

Are you still sure you can guess right? Wait until you read part 3. Your guess maybe right.

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MARRIED BUT NO SEX - Part 1

A Story Written By Ayodele Adeoye

She came in to the bedroom with her transparent night gown wearing a romantic perfume. Nobody was left at the house after a long day of felicitations and congratulations for the success of their wedding. Who would have thought Sis Rose could get married after several attempts failed at the altar of disappointment and betrayal.

Sis Rose had been into 8 relationships that never led to marriage. Getting suitors was never her problem but getting to the aisle was never realistic until she met Bro Solo. Bro Solo was a well-known brother in the choir and the dream husband of every lady as he seemed to be an example of a true Christian.

Bro Femi dated her for 18 months and jilted her because she refused him sex before marriage. Bro Ifeanyi left her after a year of relationship when he went for National Youth Service Corps at Enugu where he found Sis Chinyere. Bro Austin never gave any reason for quitting their relationship of 4 months. The history of Sis Rose's relationship journey was heartbreaking as she had dated 8 guys in 14 years.

'Bro Solo is going to leave like others, why put in the remaining pieces of my heart?', she thought. On her traditional wedding, she fainted twice for unbelief and shock that Bro Solo did not leave like other brothers.  It was a well-celebrated and well-attended wedding. Members of the choir and ushering team added colour to the day as one of their own were the celebrants of the day.

The joy and excitement that Sis Rose was leaving singles fellowship of the church at 43 made the pastor overjoyed, so much that he made Sis Rose's wedding one of the best since the inception of the church. Family and friends were not left out as they all created scenes to add colour to the day.

Family and friends stayed back and never wanted to leave them alone even at the late hour of the night. Sis Rose had jokingly told her friends to leave to allow them start their honeymoon and everyone laughed. 'Madam are you driving us?' And they laughed again. In all these Bro Solo was indifferent as to whether they left or not.

At about 11:03pm, she joined him in the bedroom ready for action of the moon. This is the day she has been looking forward to; a day she wanted to be grabbed, squeezed, cuddled and made love to. A day she will have sex and not see it as sin against God. 'Dear, I am all yours now. Do to me what wish. I am not wearing anything underneath just to give you easy access.'

'Before we are carried away with the joy of our wedding let's thank God first for all his has done for us', Bro Solo replied. And the prayer of thanksgiving turned to intercessory prayers and then to warfare prayers. After 40 minutes Bro Solo was still praying. A prayer that was already getting Sis Rose pissed up. How can we turn our honeymoon to a prayer meeting? She thought within herself. She couldn't stop the prayer meeting because the tempo of the prayers increased by the minute. At about 12:29am she dosed off and went into a deep sleep. That night they missed the first flight!

Before Sis Rose could wake up by 6:30am, Bro Solo was already dressed up to meet an appointment for 7am in order to secure bus ticket for some of their guests who were slated to go with the first bus. 'Where are you going to this early that you are already dressed up?' she quarreled her husband. 'But we didn't make love last night being our first night together. Before you go out this morning, you must make love to me.' Dear, I am sorry that cannot happen now as I need to meet up for this appointment by 7am. I will make it up to you when I come back.

Sis Rose was not going to take no for an answer that morning. She jammed the door and held the keys "You are not going out this morning until you make love to me"! She called the pastor, "Hello sir, you need to make to our house now or else...."

The pastor quickly diverted from his way to his office to their house. 'What could warrant this distress call from the newest couple?' he thought within himself.

Why do you think Bro Solo is not sleeping with his wife? Find out in part 2

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DON'T DATE IF YOU ARE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE

Are you in a relationship or dating someone now when you know you are not ready for marriage? One of the reasons why many people end up in bad marriages is because they started dating at a time they were not ready for marriage; but because they had dated this person for so long, they felt obliged to marry them. Knowing it wasn't what they desired, they prayed and hoped things would get better. Some people are so clueless as to what love and marriage is; thinking once you start experiencing nice feelings for someone it means they are in love, and anyone they fall in love with will automatically become their spouse. This is why many singles fight to hold on to bad relationships, trying all their best to change others, but refusing to change the person they have power to change which is they themselves. The bible says in Matthew 22:14 (MSG) ‘Many get invited; only a few make it". In other words many people will tell you I love you but only a few truly love you. Lots will promise you marriage but only a few will attempt carrying it out. Many see you as a want but a few see you as a need. Many might like your company but a few will enjoy your madness. To have a successful marriage, feelings are not enough; readiness matters. It's like having the needed knowledge to get a job done but lacking the required tools. You only become frustrated at the end of the day. If you like someone, their smiles, look, tribe, profession, it doesn't automatically mean they are your prefect partner therefore you must hook them down else you risk losing them. You can choose to spend all the time with them, just to get married to them in the future, but later realize this wasn't what you wanted or needed. The Marriage journey is not about who you have been with but about who you end up with. As at now, because you are not ready for marriage, your heart doesn't know what it really wants until you are ready. The confusion, pains, frustration set in when you are ready and find what you need but realize you are hooked up with what you don't need. There is a reason why God hid Eve from Adam until he was ready for marriage. So please stop accepting proposals whose outcome you don't know; don't go for fights that you are not prepared for. Don't date anyone when deep within, you know you are not ready for marriage. Don’t let someone who is ready for marriage push you into it, knowing you are not ready. You are the steward of your life and you will surely give an account to your Creator one day. So I plead with you to take full responsibility for every condition in your life including marriage. Learn to say "NO" without explaining yourself. "Yes, each of us will give an account of himself to God" - Romans 14:12 (TLB).

In conclusion "Imagine! His left hand cradling my head, his right arm around my waist! Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready" - Song of Solomon 8:4 (MSG).

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HOW TO HANDLE /MAINTAIN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

Communication BUT not excessive communication - it is unwise to be overdo, sticky and possessive. You don't have to communicate 24 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples thought that they need excess communication, this is not true. It might make things worse. Remember less is more. It is not about spamming - you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It's really testing at the right moment & tugging at the right spots

See it as an opportunity - IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TOGETHER, YOU FIRST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE APART
view it as a test of your love for each other. As the saying goes, real gold us not afraid of test of fire instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience the both of you will be bound together even strong

Set some ground rules - Both of you need to have clear with what you expect of with each other during this period. Set some rules so that one will not do things that will take the other party by surprise. For instance are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on date? What Is your commitment level? It is better to be open with each other about all these things to keep the relationship going

Try to communicate regularly & creatively - greet each other good morning and good night everyday, this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and it's happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips, short video from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to

Talk dirty with each other  - this simply means be romantic to each other by giving pets names, expressing feelings of each other, open your mouth to say you love him or her, expressing how you always feel when talking to each other, you can even say you want him or her now now.

Do things together - i love this aspect so much. Playing an online games together, watch a documentary on YouTube  or films at the same time, sing to each other on call or video chat, take a walk together outside while video calling each other, go online shopping together  and buy each other gift online too.... Lol. You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it

Make visit to each other - visit are the highlight of every long distance relationship.  After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally got to meet each other to fulfil all the saying, affections etc. It will be like firework, glitter bombs, confelt, rainbows and butterflies to everyone around

Have a goal in mind - goals like what do we want to achieve at the end of the day? How long are we going to be apart? What about the future? These are the questions you need to ask yourselves. The truth is no couple can be in long distance relationship forever,  eventually we all need to settle down
Stay honest with each other - talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever.  Don't try to deal with things yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you and give you the support you need. It's better to look at the problem during it's initial stage than to only disclose it when it's all too late
Learn how to ask good questions and listen well - This is very important and am good at this. Ask your partner what you need to know, by doing this you will gat to know things about him or her very well. Learn to listen carefully to your partner and good questions.
Learn more about how you both approach conflict - conflict is inevitable in relationship but being in a long distance relationship make managing conflict well even more difficult. Learn some basic conflict management strategies and discuss them with your partner before you find yourself mid-fight

Controlling of jealousy - feeling a little jealous and again is not unusual in long distance relationship. However uncontrolled jealousy can lead to destructive condemnation of suspicion, possessiveness, insecurity, anger and shame. If you are feeling jealous figure out how to control your jealousy before it start to control you. It's not easy but it can be done
Laugh together - it's a great to talk about the deep stuff but make sure you keep it light sometimes too. Share things with each other that can make you laugh together
Keep your parnter in your mind alway - we have all heard the saying " absence can make the heart grow fonder but its also true that absence can make the mind go wander" make sure you have some reminders of your partner around perhaps put their photo on your desktop or tape it to your mirror, drink out
Prayers - i can't forget that prayer is the key to every successful relationship today. Pray together, fast together infact worship together

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BASIC TIPS FOR THE GUY WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED

Back in the days there was a friend of mine who proposed to the lady he wanted to marry.
He invited a group of friends and made a very dramatic proposal, falling on one knee like Lancelot he looked up at this girl (Boyz 2 Men's "On Bended Knee" was uncoincidentally playing in the background) and pledged his undying love with a little box he handed her.

She was all teary eyed as she opened it and lo and behold she saw and then displayed to all and sundry an engagement ring and the keys to a brand new car.

The "yes" that came out from her mouth in acquiescence must have set new decibel levels as she screamed in excitement and he swept her off her feet while all the girls present were fanning themselves with their hands while simultaneously choking on their emotions at this "romantic display of love".

We could almost literally see Cupid's Arrow in the air.

But I have been around and seen a little, so while everyone (admittedly just the ladies) were trying to catch their breath I was thinking in my head how everything would play out.

Suffice it to say they got married shortly after with pomp and ceremony, but it was the happenstances of the immediate aftermath that interested me.

After the wedding we thought Bros Lancelot would carry his Guinevere to his palace but alas it was straight to his friend's house where he was squatting.

After a few months the creditors showed up to collect the money he borrowed to buy the brand new car, and from that point it was one "gbese" after the other.

As I speak the marriage has been dissolved after years of intractable crises.

It all began by majoring on the minors and minoring on the majors.

I did say when I addressed the ladies yesterday- "spend more time and resources preparing for the marriage than for the wedding."

That piece of advice swings both ways.

There was this other chap that came to see me who was dating a girl I knew, and so she asked him to see me first as he said he wanted to marry her and she trusted my judgment.
As I got talking to him to know the sort of person he was somewhere in our conversation he dropped a shell.

He said "my daddy has not been good to me."

I was first taken aback at how a grown man would use "daddy" so freely in a conversation but I took it in and asked just how his "daddy" had not been good to him.

He replied that his father hadn't sent him money for his upkeep in a while.

I asked him how old he was and he said "27 years old".

It took me all my willpower not to unload my mind on him, so all I asked was, "At your age is your dad meant to be sending you money or are you meant to be sending him money?"

I continued "Do you realise Gowon was just 2 or so years older than you when he became Head of State? You want your daddy to send you money for upkeep at 27 but you have already grabbed someone's daughter"

At that I promptly sent him away .

Guys listen, if you want to get married you must remember some basic things.

You must first have discovered your identity and gotten a sense of purpose before you take someone's daughter to the altar.

The Bible calls the woman a "help" for the man.
Have you ever heard of anyone who helps another person do nothing?

You have no business going to marry a woman when you have not defined your direction in life.

You should think beyond the rotundity of her posterior and the perkiness of her anterior before you get married.

Get ahold of yourself and put your life in order before looking for a life companion.
If you don't know where you are headed to how can you take someone else on the journey?

Get accommodation before you get a wife.
Adam had the Garden of Eden before Eve showed up so don't take someone's child to go squat somewhere.

And most importantly, get a J-O-B. No matter how small.

Get a source of income and stop telling us only about your character and what you intend to accomplish.
Get up and do something, mere intentions are insufficient. Nobody builds a reputation on what he intends to do.

Before you talk about getting married make sure you can put food on the table.
Especially for our Christian men  out there, stop telling us how much character you have.

Character doesn't pay the bills, and unless you intend to feed your family with the fruit of the Spirit it also cannot fill hungry stomachs.

Get wise and get cracking.

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MARRY A WIFE NOT A VIRGIN

Some guys think virginity makes a good wife. Virginity is a pride to a woman. After your first copulation, it will exist no more. So don't marry because she is a virgin, marry because she's a wife . A good wife,is a crown of the husband. Seek that good wife. Womanhood is a cycle: daughter to wife to mother. Any lady who fails as a daughter is a mistake for a wife. Because a lady is trained as a daughter to become the crown of her husband. Marrying a virgin is a pride but it does not guarantee successful marriage. Seek the good qualities that make a woman a wife. To those of u guy who are single, find a wife, I mean a good wife. Don't ruin your marriage for the want of a virgin.
#virginity does not guarantee a successful marriage.... And for the virgins acquire the good Qualities of a wife, don't make that pride you kept so long to the last day become a waste.

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